Sometimes you jut have to isolate yourself from the world to be understood, because you're the only person who understands you. Sometimes you just have to walk alone..to figure out where the hell your going. & when the world disagrees with every little thing your doing, and every back is faced your way, you just have to make the world yours, be confident in every move you make & not care anymore, be your own support system & merge your way through the backs turned against you & prove every great accomplishment that you achieved, the one that was everyone's great disbelief, everyone's great reality. So you can see the look of astonishment on their face & you can say..."I did it". & in a million years you wouldn't guess that you patting yourself on the back...could ever feel so great. Because when you know you've accomplished something all by yourself, when everybody else said you couldn't do it & you don't know where to go, who to follow, what to believe, who loves you& who to love & who not to love.. & you get through it ALL. You're a pretty strong person, in my eyes. I award you for that. I'm kinda babbling, but it's my blog; so pretty much I can do whatever the heck I want. Si?
I admire those that conquers their dreams & make them reality. I adore people like that.I also admire people that do things w/o the thought of even anyone caring what they do.. self-conscious people really just... I don't really like dealing with self-conscious people, I like being people who's comfortable in their own shoes..Not people that switch shift with the crowd; the person that's all "Oh, well -THEIR- wearing it, so must I... Oh well -THEIR- doing it, so must I... Oh -THEIRS- is like that, mines should be too..
whatthefuckbeyourownself, prettyplease&areallybigthankyou.
Most of my life, I've known.. "I have my own brain, [this] happens to me if I do [this].. & that every move I make/made, I must take responsibilty for or I was a sorry excuse for someone, and that I have no backbone, & that if I was a replica of something, I wasn't worth much. Because people only want real things.."- exact words of my Uncle Ray.. he told me that when I was 10, going on 11. How do I know the exact words..? I wrote down in my Tweety Bird diary I had back in the day, that I still have. :] He told me that when I had locked myself in a bathroom because I thought that I wasn't as pretty as the other girls.. Back when I used to model, I was at a fashion show & everyone else was so happy & excited, all the other girls were Caucasian & it was me and one other black girl & I was just so worried that no one would like me, that I wouldn't get the modeling scholarship if I wasn't like the other girls.. & I don't know, I was just trippin'. Welp, I ended up wining the scolarship, me & three other girls... I declined the offer, because of some personal/family issues in my life that had been going on. & yet there's not a day I don't wonder where the hell I would be if I had of accepted that scholarship... probably somewhere beautiful, somewhere I'd want to be....
Welp, that's the past. My babblingg, my babbling. :]
This book, this movie: Where the Wild Things Are.
Is just really, really, really a touchy subject for me. But like, I love it. Alot. It was fourth grade, a very horrible time of my life... I had a psychiatrist, they tried to put me on freakin anti-depressants; actually scratch out the "tried", THEY DID. & I witnessed my mom having a freaking nervous breakdown & was away from her for almost 2 years of my life.. it's was a really really terrible place on the timeline of my life. What sticks out is, everybody else in my life [excluding my brothers].. Okay well, everybody that could somewhat help in this situation.. didn't. They only thing they contributed by saying... "Put her[them(brothers)] in a foster home...". Like, really... your own blood...? Your granddaughter, your niece, your DAUGHTER. Really?!? So, basically only one person pulled through for me & my brothers.. my mom's ex-husband Derek.. it took someone OUTSIDE the family to really open up & care.... terrible, huh? Maybe that's the reason why I am now. Anywhoo. Through alll of the non-caring teachers, overwhelming counselors, those stoopid people trying to take me from my family... it was two very very important teachers that was there, Mrs. Branster & Mr. Gibbs.<3 They were there & very supportive. Mr. Branster had gave me this book one day. & I read it, & I read it, & read it, alot more. It helped me out alot. I realllyy did. This book & my stuffed animal Butterscotch made my life just stable out of all the crazyness & helpless moments.
^this is Butterscotch by the way. I take him everywhere, w/o anyone noticing. :]
I love him, he forsureeee is gunna be there. ANYTIME.
Well, I had planned for this to be somewhat of a normal blog butt, didn't work out that way. Sorry; I'm just a weirdo, I know this. & it's engraved.
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